1) Coyotes howl every night at sundown. They scream louder and in unison when they’ve killed something. Come to think of it, I don’t hear that chihuahua next door anymore.

2) We had an agreement with the tarantula family in the corner of the yard. They don’t creep up to our dwelling and we won’t creep up to their hole. So far so good. Until we cut a tree next to their hole. It didn’t go well.tarantula

3) Don’t pick up a cactus by the roots. It still sticks it to you, even through your thick leather glove. All the way to the bone.

4) Drink water, not wine. Or you evaporate.

5) When you’re writing, and a tiny white scorpion visits your keyboard: Let him type. An altercation will not end well.

6) Roadrunners don’t go meep-meep and they don’t detonate bombs for coyotes. They eat the little white scorpions. Thanks dude. Meep-meep.mud

7) They don’t allow studded tires here. Even in the salmon-colored mud in a summer monsoon. Damn.

8) No one has lawns. It’s xeriscaping, only drought-tolerant plants allowed. Guess I can’t plant mushrooms or Alaskan Fireweed here.fireweed1

9) It’s so dry here we must water the carpet.


water the carpet10) Can’t wait to go home to the sub-Arctic. You know, where things are normal?



© Lois Paige Simenson and The Alaska Philosophaster, 2018, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to The Alaska Philosophaster with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.       




Written by Lois Paige Simenson


  1. Karen Kiely March 18, 2018 at 7:44 pm Reply

    Too many creepy-crawlies for my taste! I prefer my wildlife to be easily visible from a distance, like moose and bears. Come home where it’s safe, Lois!

  2. Ginny March 18, 2018 at 9:08 pm Reply

    Aw, Dear Lois, you make me giggle. We can come up with quite a few reasons that we do not snowbird, and you just added a few more. Thks and Kudos, Kiddo!

Leave a Comment